Face reality.
The baby’s here. Moving forward on the assumption that health is decent all the way around. Congratulations. Super great. Now take a deep breath and look at your new little angel…
…there’s a good chance she’s not very cute right now. If you think she is, that’s great, and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Realise that there’s a good chance a lot of people are lying to you. Not about important things, just about the fact that “…your baby, is seriously, like, the cutest baby ever.”
Reality check: that’s what people say. If your baby needed a vacuum to assist in getting suctioned out of Mom, then there might be some funny looking stuff going on, and chances are good that your baby might be legitimately cute soon. But if you’re having trouble seeing the cute at the moment, what I’m saying is: don’t freak out. It’s fine to admit that. Sometimes babies aren’t cute right away.
Talking.
Talk to your kid right away. Experts talk about touch. That’s super important and you should do that as much as possible also. But talk to him too. And here’s a cool little secret: you can talk to him however you want. It’s not a law that you have to sing-song baby talk ga-ga-ga. If you’re into astronomy, then talk to him about nebulas and supernovas. If you’re into basketball, then talk to her about Oscar Robertson and Kurt Rambis. If you’re into golf, then pick one of the first two, or anything else.
Point is, talk to your baby. Start your conversations right away. Trust me.
Also, if possible try to smile at your baby, regardless of how cute she is or is not at that particular stage.
Also, if you wanna ga-ga-ga, that’s fine too. However you talk, do it without embarrassment. In the end, however articulately you’re talking or not talking, it’s just you and him. That’s what matters. Not anybody else looking on. If you have friends who think you’re dumb for talking intelligently to a newborn, then there’s an easy solution: find new friends. They’re dumb.
Okay, maybe they’re not dumb. But ideally they’re intelligent enough to eventually realize the value of talking to little kids.
[ a footnote ]
You probably have some friends that might be hard to connect with right now. Friends who don’t have kids, and aren’t “into kids.”
Don’t write them off. Your friendship is not over. Maybe you’ll see them less for a while, maybe you’ll need to find some new ways of connecting. But don’t write them off or out of your lives. If they care about you, then it might be a little tough for them to navigate the new dynamic too, so give them a tiny break and realise that even if they’re not “baby people,” that if they’re good people, you’ll still have a friendship. It’ll just change, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on them. It’s tough being a parent sometime, and it’s tough being a childless friend of parents sometimes.
Sharing.
If you get, like a new basketball, then that’s a good thing to share, and toss around. Babies are slightly different. The research is fairly consistent in suggesting that it’s a good idea to not throw infants through the air. So don’t.
If you’re lucky enough to have people in your life who are interested in seeing your new baby, and maybe holding your new baby, then good for you. That is wonderful. They’re a great thing to share. Here’s my big piece of advice:
-Figure out early on what your common sense requests are for people being close to and/or holding your baby.
-Be consistent from the beginning.
-Say whatever you need to say in a nice way that is the least amount of condescending possible.
Remember two opposing things:
It is your baby so you can do what you want.
There may be other people, such as your parents, who possibly have some experience handling babies, so try to have a tiny amount of self-awareness.
People are going to laugh at you behind your back. That’s a given. And that’s okay. Demand that they don’t, and try to find a spy who will tell you what sort of things people are making fun of you for. But if you can’t, just know that you’re probably doing something that is funny and doesn’t totally make sense and that the people who are there to see you and your baby are probably chuckling about it behind your back.
But if they really love you, they will not, under any circumstances, joke about whether or not your baby is cute. Even if it’s not yet. That’s how you truly know who loves you. Or, even the ones who love you may do that too. And you’ll eventually have to laugh also.
A few basics for anyone holding a newborn:
Wash hands.
Support the head.
Don’t drop.
When done, return to the parent. Hand over, do not throw.
Newborn great-granddaughter in the hospital room (2007)
Photography
A lot of people think the best way to share the beauty of their newborn angel is with a drawing, or a painting. But surprisingly, digital cameras have come down a great deal and are quite affordable. Also, if you own a mobile phone, there may be a camera function embedded somewhere. Bottom line is, take pictures with a camera, don’t just rely on a sketchbook.
Also, don’t get mad at your newborn for not smiling very much. They’re still figuring life out.
Also, there’s a good chance you may have visitors who have a phone on them, and want to take a picture, or five hundred. Here’s a couple things to keep in mind:
People taking pictures of your kid
A new grandpa pulling out the camcorder in the hospital room.
Maybe you have no expectations and are good with whatever. If so, skip #2.
If you have expectations about people sharing pictures, then respectfully convey it. That is a completely acceptable expectation. Are you okay with people texting pictures? To family? To friends? To anyone? To social media? Whatever you want is fine. But don’t assume everyone who snaps a pic will use common sense. Hint: at least some of them will not. So just be clear. In a respectful, non-condescending way.
Don’t be afraid to hand your phone to visitors and ask them to get a few pictures on it for you.
Also, whatever you do, for the love of everything that is awesome, please, please, please,
invest in a phone tripod, and use it.
Use it. Starting right away. Get in the habit of setting up your phone, horizontally, at you and your fam, clicking record, and getting a minute or two of video of you, your spouse, and your baby interacting. Chances are you’ll sometimes forget to turn it off and realize you’ve just been recording for ten minutes…
…think in 20 years you’re gonna be upset about having that ten minutes of mundane, boring video of you just chit-chatting away?
If you’re the dad…
…then you did not give birth to the baby. What that means, is no matter how emotionally stressful the birth was for you, your body did not physically get ripped asunder.
I am a guy. So I do not know what giving birth feels like. I never will, no matter how much I try to empathize or sympathize. But you try. You try, you try, and you realize that there is physical pain and hormonal happenings that you have no clue about. It doesn’t mean you don’t try to understand. The first part is being aware of your partner’s:
Physical pain
Hormonal see-sawing that can lead to a wild ride of emotions expressing themselves in different and unexpected ways.
Basically, be extra super nice, and try to avoid giant arguments, and if she grimaces every time she goes to get off the couch or out of bed, then maybe instead of laughing at her, offer to help.
That being said, I would frequently offer to carry Becca to the bathroom, and she always laughed and did not take me up on it. So I guess maybe that’s not a dream for women who have just given birth. Something to be aware of.
Postpartum is the time after childbirth for a woman. There’s a lot of stuff going, physically, emotionally, hormonally. A lot of times a mom might get extra sad, cry a lot for what seems like no reason, be depressed…and it might seem like a strange time, because everyone is supposed to be happy. “Supposed” to be.
It might last for a little while, several days or a few weeks. Or it might last longer. Months. It can be intense. Mood swings, crying, trouble sleeping, feelings of hopelessness or anxiety, excessive irritability…tough things. And like anything challenging, you can either ignore them or face them.
The important thing to realise is that you’re not the first person to face these things. Whether you’re Mom or Dad, you can face them together. If you’re Dad and you’re a man of action, then it might be difficult to see someone you care about having such a tough time and feeling like you can’t do anything to help.
If you’re Mom and dealing with it - and I am obviously not a mom, so I only speak as a dad from observation and education - then hang in there and don’t be afraid to ask for help. From your significant other, from your doctor…it is okay. And there is light ahead.
So for the dads: be understanding, be patient, be on standby, and realize that sometimes the best action you can give is your presence. Be okay with crying. Don’t try to fix it. Let the tears come and just be there.
Bottom line: there may be some points where you feel like your feelings don’t make sense and that you shouldn’t have them. Don’t think that way.
Tough times will always do one of two things to you and your partner:
They will drive you apart
Or they will pull you together.
Choose which.
Feeding.
I had a very naive assumption about babies and nursing before I was a parent. It was this: what’s the big deal, seems easy enough.
It was a big surprise to me to learn a couple things about breastfeeding.
It’s not just an intuitive thing for a lot of babies. It’s something they have to learn.
It’s a painful thing for moms. May seem like a duh! statement, but I hadn’t realized before how difficult and painful it might be for moms to figure out all the mechanics and logistics. What little did I know.
Not every baby ends up breastfeeding, for a variety of reasons. That’s cool too.
If you have a really cool wife or girlfriend with a great sense of humor like I do (bragging moment), then maybe you can start making boob jokes sooner rather than later. You know, like remarks about being in competition with a baby, sexual remarks, etc.
But basically, breasts are pretty much mostly off-limits for you, dads, for a while. As far as enjoying them sexually. Speaking of which…
Burping.
Okay, I’ll get back to sex in a minute. But first, burping. Burping a baby is so cool. It doesn’t quite make up for losing out on boobs for a while (if you’re dad), but getting to grab a newborn after mom’s fed him and helping work those gas bubbles out in a resounding and loud BURP! can be a very satisfying accomplishment. Teamwork.
And make no mistake: burping a baby is a skill. Like any skill, you should practice and take a certain amount of pride as you develop optimal strategies.
There’s all kinds of experts who can explain good burping practices, so go find one if you want. You’ll figure it out. Just know that it’s rewarding.
Changing diapers.
This is one of the greatest opportunities a new dad ever has: to become a diaper-changing expert.
Yes, it is an opportunity. Mom gets to bond over eating. And Dad gets to bond over changing diapers. More teamwork. If you are dad, you should seize every opportunity…
…and converse with the little angel beast every single time you change her diaper.
Tell an ongoing story,
or tell her the plot of The Matrix,
or describe the process of how a star becomes a supernova,
or list every color you can think of,
or just pick something to talk about that interests or irks or entertains you;
ask him about the mysteries of the universe and just talk.
Make diaper changing great again.
Also, perfect your diaper-wrapping technique, because it’s super fun to play dodgeball with diapers and toss them around the house. Just don’t forget about them if they land behind a couch or inside a grand piano or somewhere unlikely to be discovered until you’re playing hide and go seek two years later.
Also, changing diapers is a little like painting the interior of a house: when you first start, you’re super careful to tape everything off and make sure nothing gets on the floor. But eventually you realize you’re pretty good at it, and if a little paint (or poop) gets on the floor, then the time of not sticking a drop cloth (or changing blanket) underneath is probably worth it. That’s just my philosophy. You should probably discard that philosophy when you’re at someone else’s house though.
Playing.
I’m going to say what no one else is willing to say: sometimes playing with newborns is boring. They are not very good at racing, or climbing, or playing Twenty Questions, or poker, or a lot of stuff.
(actually, they may be better at poker than you think).
Here’s some other stuff you can do with them. You may be surprised at just how much is still possible as far activities go. Becoming a parent is one of the great catalysts for forcing your dormant imagination to come alive and your latent creativity to surge to the forefront. You just have to approach a lot of activities a little bit differently, and there’s a good chance you’ll be doing them with one arm. Unless you have twins, in which case stop reading this and get better advice from someone else.
Sight and Sound.
Ideally they have two working eyes. They’re terrible at seeing very far. As in “farther than about a foot.” Plus, they can’t see colors yet. But it means they can see books, for example. So start reading with them, and seriously, effing read out loud. Don’t just baby-read to them, ga-ga-ga song-sing style. Just read, and if you don’t have other kids around, then feel free to add in a lot of unnecessary profanity.
You might just want to throw out the “reading books” part to newborns, because there’s a good chance you might get addicted to having great conversations with your newborn. There is something so beautiful, so magical, so bonding about gently cradling that precious head in your hands and softly reciting the unedited lyrics to every Jay-Z song you can think of. It’s all tone at this point. I have a whole different set of thoughts about how people get so hung up on particular “bad words” rather than tones and attitudes of respect. But that’s a whole different deal for when they’re a little older. For the time being, your precious angel is an infant and is learning the sound of your voice. So savor and soak in those unblinking adorable little eyes as they give you all their concentration and fix on you. On you, just on you, only you, as you softly, encouragingly, beautifully, read through the Pulp Fiction script.
Or you could read the Bible. Actually, that’s a good thing to do also.
Point is, there’s something strangely super fun about chatting with your newborn and ignoring the way you might think you’re supposed to talk to her. Just talk, smile, and engage in lots of eye contact. It’ll get addicting and it’ll pay off.
Touch
Hold him. Gently rub his face, his head, his little hands. Start doing warmups and (gently) stretching and rotating his legs and arms. Keep him in your arms every chance you can make.
Smell
This has more to do with the smells she creates than the smells her olfactory senses are picking up on. She can smell, and probably has shark blood-in-the-water sensitivity to mum’s milk. But if you’re the parent, the great thing about having an infant is that now you never, ever have to have the slightest embarrassment over any foul smells that might appear to be emanating from you. I learned this one from my dad: if you’re holding a baby and there’s a bad smell (or loud flatulent noise), it is always the baby.
Always.
What does this have to do with playing? Well, because they have pretty good senses of smell, it can be entertaining to see their facial reactions to different aromas, good and bad.
Ten notes on bathing.
Having a new baby is not an excuse for not bathing. At a certain point you can sadly no longer blame foul odors on the baby. You gotta shower sometime.
Oh, and you should bathe the baby also sometimes.
No showers for newborns. Not right away. Too much water pressure. Plus, you could slip. Not good.
Don’t drop the baby.
No bath until their umbilical cord falls off.
If you have a circumcised boy, no bath until he’s healed.
No super hot water. Just warm water, and yeah, do the elbow test.
No face under water.
There’s a bunch of folds and blubber and stuff. Get in all the crevices. They get dirty.
Use baby shampoo, not regular. Seems obvious. But still.
Never let go while they’re in the tub, or bucket, or whatever you have them in (not toilet).
Have a warm towel and warm clothes ready to go. They will probably not be happy after getting out. But the great thing about babies is they won’t remember how angry they were about it.
Also, cradle cap is a thing. Google it. It’s harmless, but clean it. Not going into it here. Look it up.
If he pees in the tub, no big deal. Ignore and keep going. If he poops in the tub, you should probably get him out right away. Scrub, rinse, refill tub, plop baby back in. Bacteria and all that.
Don’t leave baby by herself in the tub. Ever. At all. Again, seems obvious. But worth repeating, because one thing that will become apparent quickly (pun intended) is that there are a thousand things that are easier if you just forgo that one little safety thing, like leaving her on the counter real quick to grab a diaper. Stuff like that. Just don’t.
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO TAKE LONGER. Everything. Don't be dumb and
do something to save a few seconds that could impact the rest of your life. And somebody
else’s life. Like passing cars on a double yellow around a blind curve. Just don’t do it.
Not worth it.
Take your time with what needs time. One fall, one slip is all it takes to change your lives horrifically.
Your life is much less about efficiency now and much more about effectiveness.
Breast pumping and bottles.
There’s all kinds of information about this. Basically mom pumps milk so baby can drink it when she’s not around. It lasts for several days in the refrigerator and a couple months in the freezer.
Here’s the thing, dads: moms work hard to pump that milk. So do not spill it. Seriously. There is a good chance mom will spend months at work, at the store, during the night, at all hours and places pumping milk. It not a recreational activity they do for fun. It is because they not only think it is important…it is important. So spilling a bottle of breast milk is not like spilling a cup of almond milk or juice. Mom has worked hard to make that. So don’t fuck it up.
If you’re using a bottle, here’s a few things to remember:
Never use a microwave. It destroys enzymes. I heat water up in a tea kettle, then pour the hot water into a couple thermoses I use throughout the day to heat up the bottles when I need them.
Don’t let baby feed herself. Around four months, she’ll try getting all bossy and thinking she can do it herself. Wrong. She can’t. So don't leave her to feed by herself.
Burp every five or ten minutes.
Make sure she’s getting milk in the nipple, otherwise she’ll be sucking in air which will give her gas pains.
Get bottles you can put in the top rack of the dishwasher. You’ll go through a lot of them. Oh yeah, and don’t reuse a bottle without washing in between.
Changes, more changes, mood swinging, etc.
There will likely be a flood of adrenaline. It’s been building up for months while baby was hanging out in mom’s belly. Finally he’s here. Ideally everything is good, everybody’s happy, all is well.
And then things start to return to normal. Except they’re not normal. They’re different. You’re creating a new normal, and one that’s much less exciting and much less adrenaline-driven, which means there’s more to quibble and argue with your significant other about, and more time to feel frustrated or sad or irked or upset or lonely. Or any number of feelings.
And you might be wondering if you love him as much as you’re supposed to.
Or wondering if he’s bonding with you like he’s supposed to.
Or wondering if you’re actually going to be a good parent.
Or wondering if your eye-hand coordination is good enough to keep you from dropping her.
Or wondering if you’re actually responsible enough to care for another life and raise a child.
Or wondering if you’ll ever have sex again.*
Stuff like that, maybe.
Amidst that, there’s any number of logistical things you’re still trying to figure out, like sleeping, childcare, financial stuff, etc.
It’s tough. Sometimes it’s tough. Remember that there’s a lot of hormones at play, and of course, again, I’m saying this as a guy. A guy trying to be understanding, supportive, empathetic, sympathetic, etc. There’s obviously a lot more going on when you’re the mom and dealing with hormones that are free falling and spinning all over the place, and a body that is slowly recovering from a major life event.
But there is light. There is light.
And…this is important: dads get hit with tough feelings, emotions, and hormones too. Because it’s to a lesser extent and minus the physical part doesn’t mean they’re not valid. So if you’re a dad, don’t ignore them. Be strong, be supportive, all that, but it’s also okay to own up to what’s tough.
So what can you do? Again, this is just from my experience:
Be extra-patient and try not to turn little irritations into big battles.
If you’re dad, seize every opportunity to take care of mom and baby. To comfort, not fix. If you’re mom, say thank you, express gratitude, and don’t make him feel too bad about making premature jokes about sex.
Find little ways to bond. For example, gossiping about other people who are being irritating around your baby, or laughing about all the ugly babies born at the same time as your beautiful one in the hospital. Find shared moments between the two of you to make you laugh.
Get out. When mom is ready, get out. You write the rulebook, within the parameters of what your doctor recommends. Having a new baby can feel very, very isolating. It’s great to have people coming by, the right amount, but don’t be afraid to get out too. So it’s more work and everything takes longer. So what. Get out and find some people. A park, coffee, Burgerville.
Watch good television. What a great time in your life to watch more than you usually would. You know sex is off the menu for a bit, so just enjoy the guilt free part of being able to lounge and watch extra TV.
Mega mood swings for new moms - no matter whether it’s child #1 or child #7 - are normal. It’s probably a good idea to figure out what your baseline “normal” is for those early weeks and months so you can figure out, going into Month 2 and 3 whether they are significant and frequent enough to severely impair your ability to function. Obviously this is relevant to moms. Post-partum depression is a real thing…and a serious thing requiring some extra help from your obstetrician, and less help from a dad like me writing stuff on a blog.
The important thing for the two of you is that you talk and communicate with each other as you build your new normal. It’s truly a chance to build an even greater bond with each other. Some of that bonding will come through laughter and good times, some of it may come through walking through fire (metaphoric), and super challenging times. Those times will either push you apart or pull you together.
And while I’m on the topic of bonding with your significant other: the first month is a great chance to go over the parameters and philosophy ecosystem you’re creating for your new one. There will be things important to you, and things important to the other. You have to be able to prioritize and compromise. You have to commit to getting each other’s backs, to setting boundaries with family and friends, and to going to each other first with figuring out all the new challenges you’re facing.
*yes, but not for at least four weeks. note: “at least four weeks” probably means “absolutely no sooner than six weeks.” but it depends. more on that later.
Crying
Speaking of moods and crying, newborns cry sometimes. The cool thing is, there’s a good chance you can fix it. They’re fairly boring people at this point and have a limited range of interests and hobbies, so there’s only a few things they want. Therefore, there’s only a few things they’re conveying when they cry.
They’re bored.
Play with them.
They’re in pain or discomfort.
Something is hurting them.
There’s a good chance it’s a full diaper.
They’re hungry.
Find mum. Or a bottle.
They’re tired.
I love this one, because it is one of the
most adorable realizations ever: they need help, your help, to go to sleep.
And that is a skill you can learn and use. So learn it and use.
More on swaddling later.
They’re colicky.
Honestly, I’ve never quite understood what this is exactly.
I think a lot of experts don’t either.
Basically it means a bunch of wailing and screaming,
possibly and probably having to do with upset stomach that
goes on for a long time. Probably just look this up on Google.
The short term solution is holding them in a position with their stomach facing down.
Combine this with swaddling (see below) and it may help.
Sleeping and Swaddling.
Do you feel overwhelmed by all the new stuff you gotta figure out? Here’s an easy one: learn swaddling. Learn it right, learn it well.
I read one book on baby sleeping. The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. There’s a ton of books and resources on every single aspect of parenting, including getting babies to sleep. But they’re like self-help books: you can’t spend all your time learning every technique and idea. Sometimes you gotta commit to a philosophy or a direction. And I accidentally read the greatest book on baby sleep techniques ever written. So what I’m saying here is not an original idea coming from Me the Expert. It’s a recitation of a centuries-old idea by other people that I have followed and learned. And here’s the thing: it works.
If people tell you swaddling doesn’t work on their baby, then just smile. It is pointless to argue with other parents about what works or doesn’t work for their baby, because you will discover quickly that these topics are emotion-arousers and argument-starters. If someone is genuinely wanting to know how to better get their baby to sleep, then I am always happy to talk about that, quickly deferring to the resources and teachers I have learned from. Here’s the thing: it is about the technique.
But first, what is swaddling? Well, babies spend nine months in a womb. This is their living quarters for a long time, and those living quarters are very comfortable. Their own little mini mansion. Warm, immobilized, motion…an overall sensation of envelopment.
Swaddling is basically the mimicking of that environment. You wrap up the baby in a blanket…
…but it’s so much more than that! YOU MUST wrap them up correctly!
The single thing that many fail to realize is how important it is to immobilize the baby. There’s all kinds of diagrams and pictures and videos of swaddling techniques. Watch them. But the bottom line is: they have to be immobilized.
They must not be able to work their arms free. This is a gift to them. The gift of security and comfort; an opportunity for them to embrace their tiredness, watch and listen to the world for a little while, then drift off to sleep. Their limbs do not function well yet. They don’t yet know how to control the spastic flailing of their arms and legs, so when they’re loose, they’re waving them around and getting worked up into a tizzy. A tizzy is like a cute little baby panic episode, except it’s not helping them go to sleep.
When they’re swaddled correctly, they can relax - and they will, unless they’re hungry, hurting, or possibly colicky - go to sleep. They will.
You will need to learn the special rhythm, gait, bounce, and position that’s right for each particular baby. You’ll find it. Practice. But you gotta start with the swaddle.
Then stick on some good music, squeeze your bundled little angel tight, kiss her, and dance, baby, dance. Dance by the moonlight.
Five step process for getting baby to sleep.
Make sure they’re fed and no longer hungry.
Swaddle correctly.
Begin dancing, rocking, or walking. The key word is “motion.” Stay in motion. Find your motion.
Sing or listen to music. Note: don’t rely too much on conversation, telling stories, or reciting poetry at this point because it might be too interesting. I know. Crazy. Sometimes you really are the most interesting person in someone’s world. For what it’s worth.
Lay baby down in her bed. Note: I say this casually as if it’s an easy thing. It may not be. But that’s another topic. Note: it’s not really another topic. It’s completely related. But it requires a more detailed explanation I’ll talk about soon. Basically it’s all about timing and optimal three-axis positioning as it relates to a human’s internal gyroscope.
Once baby is sleeping.
This is a good opportunity to develop your family philosophy about the world:
Do you want to adapt the world for your child?
Or do you want to adapt your child to be resilient and flexible for whatever the world may be at a given time and place?
You may suspect from the way I’ve phrased those two options that I have an opinion. Correct. I do.
How this relates to your sleeping baby is this: do you expect total quiet from all around while your baby is napping or sleeping? If so, that’s fine, as long as it’s your house and your environment to control. It means that it may be much more difficult to get your child sleeping, now and later, when you can’t control all the conditions and environment.
So figure out what works for you and what you want your baby’s baseline sleep environment to be. Maybe don’t play Ride the Lightning on the record player in her bedroom…but maybe also think about not asking everybody within a quarter-mile radius to turn off their ringers.
Is baby sleeping with you?
Pretty sure pediatricians largely agree, at least currently, that it’s optimal for baby to not sleep with you. I really have no advice and no expertise, other than four children who have used our bed as their own personal zoo for over a decade.
But here’s a few things to consider:
The baby. Can the baby sleep on his own? Maybe it’s good for him to learn how to sleep independently too without having to rely on your warm body every night. Also, you might wake him up if you snore or make other loud noises with your body during the night.
Mom. It’s easier to nurse without having to get out of bed.
Dad and Mom. They are very cute and snuggly to sleep with, and it is one of the greatest things in the world when they’re stretching their midget arms over their giant heads and tooting an elephant blast of gas (or pooping). Hilarious. But…you gotta be super careful and aware of your sleeping habits, such as how deep you sleep, how much you move, et cetera. Rolling over onto a newborn…that shit happens and it is one of the most awful things I can imagine ever happening. There are very good safety reasons for not sleeping with your newborn. The only way I could sleep with our newborns was with my arm wrapped around the top of their head, and enveloping their body in a way that was definitely more uncomfortable for me, but ensured I would never inadvertently roll over. So there’s that.
The sex. Since we’re talking about newborns here, that’s not really relevant. Off the docket for at least four weeks, or six weeks, or until whenever Mom is ready. And Dad, of course. But mostly Mom. The short version is, sex with a baby in the bed is entirely possible and doable, but it is really, really, really not optimal. Really really not.
Also, be careful about falling asleep on couches, in chairs, or pretty much anywhere when you’re holding a newborn. You don’t want baby rolling out of your arms, or changing positions and squishing him. These things happen. Seriously. So think ahead of time about them.
Your own sleep.
Depending on your work situation and your baby’s sleep patterns, your slumber may not be too bad early on. Or it might be terrible. Or somewhere in between.
There’s a good chance that you won’t be getting all the sleep you’d like, and the most important thing I’d like you to know is this:
The single most boring thing you can ever talk about with people who don’t have children is how you don’t get enough sleep.
It is a dull thing to talk about, and an even more uninteresting thing to hear about. You will probably be exhausted at some point. Perhaps many points. And it’s fine to convey this to those who love you, and who may be willing to help you. Or at least listen with a comforting ear for a short while.
You may be exhausted, and the bad news is that sleep deprivation kills your brain cells. I often wonder how truly smart I would be if I had slept more. But I have a secret trick that may or may not help:
Naps.
Try to sneak in little power naps whenever you can. I don’t know what you need. I know that if I get a 20-minute power nap in the early afternoon, I am a fresh person. It’s amazing. Truly.
So there you go.
There you go. May this help in some way, big or small. They won’t be newborns for long.
Next chapter coming soon.
Have fun.