This is nine.

stories and snippets from the frontlines of age nine.

Child 1 (2016)

Tough tooth trying to come out. It’s scary. 20161018

Books: A Series of Unfortunate Events
Movie: Matilda
Day of the week: Sabbath
Song: Unstoppable by Sia (201610)

Child 2 (boy)

As his orbit of Earth completes another cycle, he continues to be entranced with Greek mythology. (June)

Intense. Very intense. I love it. Most of the time. I love him all of the time. Intense. Intensely focused on what interests him, and difficult to take time for anything outside of that framework. So mature and perceptive…and so needing to still snuggle and get affection and affirmation and share emotions freely.

Illustration videos inspired by Mo Willems and (especially) Quentin Blake. Helped him start a blog and YouTube channel; he has been faithfully committed to creating content for both.

Earnestly reading Brave New World and The Book Thief. Both beyond what he should be…but he pushes himself and wants to be pushed. And it brings him joy, and us the opportunity for many conversations based around the ideas of dystopian societies. Love how he thinks. (April)

Fave film: Jojo Rabbit.

I lie in his little brother’s bed; perpendicular to his, and he wants me to hold his hand. Nine years old, and he wants me to simply hold his hand while he goes off to sleep. How can I not love that, and how can I not love this boy with the deepest depths of my heart? I do.

Huge into books. Into what he should be reading. He’s started The Diary of Anne Frank and has been begging to start Brave New World…which I let him dive into today, and which he already has a dozen questions for already. It is a challenge - the many, many ongoing questions about the books he’s reading - that I shall look back on someday with the utmost fondness and admiration.

He has gotten massively into chess. After a single class. I love how falls in love with something and just goes after it. Whole heart, all mind. Teaching everyone around, including his older sister and younger brother. And both parents.

He will follow us around, reading passages from books that he’s into, with a big smile and wanting to make sure we understand why it’s funny and important, and I am trying not to lose sight of just how beautiful this is, amidst the logistics of trying to live life with three other kids as well.

It is so easy to confuse intellectual intelligence with emotional intelligence at this age. Or rather…it’s easy to forget that a nine-year old that can discuss many topics at ease with those many years older does not possess the same level of emotional development. They have the emotional development of a…nine-year old. Which is how it should be, and something of which I need frequent reminding. I love this age in so many ways; this slice of time that balances the simple joys of early childhood with the growing awareness of a broader world and its distractions and beauties. I love this age, and it has some peculiar challenges. We embark on creatively facing them together. As with every age.

Nine is not always…a simple and easy road. That is not a bad road. It can be a challenging road. An intellect to inquire, to ask and observe and be perceptive and dig in…and also an ability to completely overlook and forget what would seem to be basic items (“how could you forget your chores halfway through?” - because I took a break to eat breakfast!). Sometimes it seems like the battles are so unnecessary and unimportant and I internally plead : please, don’t make this a thing. And then I have to ask myself: do I make this a thing? When it comes to issues of basic respect and communication then…yes. I will generally make it a thing. And the challenge is to know when to let go and realize the high standards we try to make as a family, and when to accept that even the failings of basic precepts are a normal thing, and it is up to us, the adults and parents, to find ways to be gentler and kinder and more patient. But it is very hard sometimes. We are learning and developing as parents, in some ways, every bit as much as our kids are developing age-appropriately.

An increasing ability to find information, largely on the internet. Some parents might be nervous; occasionally I am, but mostly because love the interest in learning and in figuring out how to problem solve and research answers and solutions independently. Boundaries and all that are great and necessary, but I’m not a huge proponent of arbitrary filters and hard “screen time limits” at this point. Especially when 98% is in the furtherance of education or creative production (writing, illustration, etc.).

The increasing awareness of physicality; that it’s possible to really make me (his dad) work for it wrestling and roughhousing; the reality that I can still beat him in a foot race…but that he’s making me work for it more and more and that he’s making measurable progress in bridging the gap.

He loves to snuggle now, and I love that. Love it. And I love how he carries on conversations and asks questions of his three-month sibling. Love it.

I was bantering with my niece recently, both in person and via text, and it struck me how normal it is that we banter. Intelligently, wittily banter, and how many adults make the assumption that children aren’t capable or interested in witty repartee and crisp dialogue. Maybe not all are capable, maybe many are not interested. But it strikes me that when adults refuse to assume they’re not interested, and leap into treating conversations with nine-year olds, give or take nine years, as opportunities for enlightenment, entertainment, and learning…then frequently that may happen.

Nine is challenging - can be challenging - for parents. The dance between young dependent childhood and the growing awareness and interest of a broader world and culture and the utopian independence it provides…having a nine-year old is challenging. And like every age, filled with exhilarating possibilities for both child and parent. TIP: ask a lot of questions, every day, about their day. Get it ritualized and deep rooted NOW.

We are working on eye contact. The importance of looking at people when you’re talking and the importance of asking them questions as well.

It is a never-ending thirst for conveying enthusiasm for what he’s into. In this case, a bottomless pit of knowledge and trivia about the Rick Riordan universe and anything related to Greek mythology. (December)

One day they’re nine, the next day they’re showing you drawings they did of Kurt Cobain with short hair. (Dec)