Deadbolt (don’t let the sunshine in, I shut the door on purpose, buddy).

Sometimes you just need to be in a bad mood.
And sometimes some people just don't respect that need.

I am 43 years old, which makes my niece, at age 9, roughly 34 times less smart or funny than me.

Somewhere in this image is a nine-year old girl who illegally called me “Buddy” all day long

Which is why it’s infuriating when I’m doing my thing, doing my bad mood thing, which is a thing that adults need to be able to peacefully, peaceably do sometimes without being judged or shamed for it, and then some brash thing a thousand times less witty than myself - okay, technically only 34 times less witty - shows up and pesters me, non-stop, in ways too myriad to count, that add up to one thing:

the sun shining in.

I use “the sun” as a familiar metaphor. Apparently most non-nocturnal people think of the sun as representing good spirits and good moods, and thunderstorms and night as representing poor spirits and poor moods. I strongly disagree, as a partial-nocturnal animal myself, but for the sake of faking normalcy and speaking in familiar metaphors, I will simply go with it.

So she grabs the sun, and with a big bully yank! she pulls the sun right through the door of my spirits, which was triple-deadlocked shut because it didn’t want visitors.

I don’t even remember the totality of her onslaught. It was blinding. Ferocious. Uncalled for. Nonstop. Exhausting.

The only thing I really remember is that she kept calling me “buddy” constantly.

I mean constantly.

Stop trying to make laugh
I yelled at her repeatedly.
Just stop! I’m trying to be in a bad mood.

But she didn’t listen.
”Okay then, buddy,” she’d say. “You just go ahead and be in your terrible, terrible mood, okay, buddy? Buddy? Do I see a smile buddy? Buddy?”

Annoying beyond annoying.

When you’re 43 years old, and someone at the horrible age of 9 literally follows you around all day and keeps referring to you as “buddy” 437 times an hour, it is impossible - seriously impossible - to keep a smile locked up, let alone a laugh manacled.

So that’s what happened, the little twerp.

I got bullied, and the sun came in.

Tomorrow’s gonna be a terrible day. It better be.