L.A. Stories, Volume 1

Last May, I took a trip down to Hollywood to visit my brother Jeremy. Here are a few impressions, recollections, and stories.

Jeremy M. Long & Josh Pryer / Analog Hollywood (May 2012)

IGF.

You must be Incredibly Good Looking (IGL) to be a host at Abercrombie & Fitch (A&F).

I had never been to A&F, but went to visit Josh and Caleb on shift there. At the entrance was a young nubile late teenager, a boy,

wearing jeans and no shirt. Shirtless. Hairless, glistening, supposedly IGL, but my boys J&C could model rings around him.

,

Apparently, A&F views itself as an 'outdoorsy' kind of apparel line, though the thumping dance beats and tight skinny outfits swirling around inside made me feel 

a long long ways from the Rockies.

Josh was working on the top floor in the Women's section, close to the underwear. He and Jeremy and I conversed for a bit, but his work ethic was exemplary;

I noticed his eyes constantly attentive and roaming as we talked; watching the customers,

teaching me the correct way to fold jeans

(it's a quad-fold technique that bears little resemblance to the the blue collar tri-fold I learned in my short Old Navy stint years ago)

Suddenly, he interrupted my banter. Gotta go, gotta go,

and I tracked him as he navigated through people; turning around, he stage-whispered

hot girl

and went to greet her, just as her boyfriend appeared behind her.

Josh, in the most un-subtle gesture I have seen (ever), 

mouthed his disappointment;

Jeremy and I laughed and continued to Caleb,

on 2nd floor landing, lonely,

looking so Incredibly Good Looking in white polo and huge Greek god shoulders,

he smiled big and I love, I love his enthusiasm when he sees me,

and he asked us to stick around until his shift was over

(it was over in four hours)

and we said No.

He said a phrase to us, loud,

that is not in the A&F greeting manual.

and we left Caleb there, alone,

with his Incredible Good Looks.

Tom Cruise.

We stopped in at this Anti-Psychiatry Museum off Hollywood Boulevard. It intrigued me.

There were two individuals inside. Sterile, air-conditioned, bright smiles and brochures.

Like I said, I was intrigued. Jeremy, Allyson, and I spoke to them for ten minutes. Mostly, I asked questions.

A recurring question I have with any institution or idea is: who is behind this? With any particular story or agenda, who is behind it?

Are you funded by the Church of Scientology? I asked. Because, uhh, I see some tiny little print on the back of one of these

brochures that has them listed.

Well, no, I mean, we're our own organization…we're not part of the the church, she said cheerfully, nervously.

Right.

The Parks.

Where are the parks?

The Woods.

Palm trees, and no other trees.

I love palm trees.

I miss other trees.

Paperless.

I was nervous about just using my e-boarding pass with QR code. No print out, no safety net, no physical, tangible, tactile comfort that I could actually show to a ticket agent.

It was exhilarating to scan it, and pass through without having to pull a wad of folded-up paper from pockets.

I hope the tree I saved is strong, and will someday host a child's treehouse.

Fairy Tale Film.

There are billboards everywhere advertising Snow White and the Huntsman.

Charlize Theron is spellbinding in the trailers as the evil queen.

I really want to see it.

I have not seen The Avengers yet, which is surprising to many people. Every other person in the entire world has seen it already, besides me.

And Becca.

And Johannes, and Magdelana.

A Change is A-Coming, or Not.

I didn't have the right right change for me and Jeremy when we hopped on the bus.

Go ahead the driver waved us past.

He let us ride free.

****

I have more stories. Maybe I'll post them, if people demand it. I have a really good one, but it's scary. So maybe I shouldn't.