Hey Becca, I ran the math and you accidentally totally betrayed us, but I trust you, -ish.

Hey Becc,

Just wanted to wish you good fortune today. I know today is going to be especially challenging. You’re probably wondering how I know that. Well, I’ve run the math, and our French press makes approximately 24 ounces of coffee, and I noticed that there are approximately three ounces remaining.

This amount seems like less than half, so I confirmed it on a calculator, and yes, my confirmation was confirmed. Three is not half of 24.

I spoke to the children harshly to ensure their cooperation and complete truthfulness, and feel confident that the truth has been extracted: they did not drink any of our coffee. This leaves either a) somebody who sneaked into our home and stole nine ounces of our coffee, or b) you. I am leaning toward the latter as the most likely scenario, but I could be mistaken.

When you waved goodbye and pulled out of the driveway this morning with a huge smile and held up two coffee mugs, then I was a little confused at the time. First, I was wondering how you were steering and driving backwards while holding two travel mugs and smiling at me. Second, I was wondering why it was important to show me these two mugs, and you seemed especially happy to show me, as your grin was extra large.

But now I understand. This was your way of telling me that you had taken my portion of our coffee that we have shared together for 16 years, and you are trying something new, and whatever ‘new’ thing you’re doing today must be ultra challenging and difficult. Because you took my coffee, and it was hot and it is very cold right now, and it is Monday. So if you took it away from me, which you did, I know it is for a good reason, and I trust you completelyish.

It will change the rest of my day rather a lot, and not in a positive way, but it will be worth it to know that those extra nine ounces of coffee are worth it to you, and are helping you meet your challenges today, which must be enormous, considering you took my coffee.

All the best,

Joseph Long