This is Four.
stories and snippets from the frontlines of age four.
48 months
First, let’s face it : referring to a child’s age in months gets old after a while. I don’t tell others our childrens’ ages in months. However, however, in the interest of development, common patterns, curiosity, etc., it is fascinating to continue breaking some of the early changes, especially through five or so, into smaller chunks than a year. So there’s that.
Child 2 - boy
Into making up games and words. For example: riding his (balance) bike around, informing us that what he’s doing is “blood versus mosquito,” which is another way of saying “riding bicycles really fast.” It can also be called “riding blood really fast.” 20140630
Likes to measure speed of things, particularly in relation to animals, such as the idea that he’s riding his bicycle faster than a cheetah. Will ride up and down our driveway, talking to himself or whoever is around. I love this so much.
Child 3 - boy
An interest in what his older 10-yo brother is doing, especially getting up early and snuggling on the couch and absorbing the knowledge and skills as his sibling creates political illustrations in the drawing app Procreate.
Asks the question frequently: Is this beautiful? Do I look beautiful? I want to make my room look beautiful. Etc. I. Love. It. An appreciation of aesthetics and beauty.
And also: compassion. A great sense of being tuned into the hurt or temperaments of others, and stepping in to ask and inquire.
Meltdowns. Mostly from tiredness. Yet also, the hilarious self-reflection and awareness of what meltdowns and temper tantrums are. He recently informed me that he was considering “…having a fit, because I feel like it.”
What happens when this happens? The ultimate “punitive” action: removal from play or the company of others to be subjected to the presence and comforting, yet holding-accountable words of his dad.
Loves cooking, reading, making food in his downstairs kitchen and outdoors kitchen, playing UNO, running fast…
Has gotten more competitive and has difficulty not winning something. Including frustration over not always beating me in a footrace.
50 months
Child 1 - girl
“I’m planning on getting up REALLY early tomorrow, so I won’t be able to snuggle with you guys in the morning because I need to be up really early to do homework and get ready for the day.”
Child 3 - boy
Loves playing UNO. Highly conscious of rituals, such as “…we need to play a round of UNO before bed!”
FIRSTS: Toilet trained. Boom.
Takes the role of mentoring, guiding, protecting, and teaching his younger sibling very seriously…though often times without the understanding of what that means. In other words, helping lift him up onto high places may be a good bonding thing for brothers, but may lead to hurt bodies for eighteen month olds.
Books: Dr. Seuss, Shel Silverstein
Viewing: PBS Kids - Wild Kratts, Cosmic Kids Yoga
No naps or even mandated afternoon quiet time anymore. LOVES to play outside in his kitchen, blow bubbles, draw, etc.
Very keen to read. Been doing a lot of sounding out syllables and having him work out words aloud. It is important to him to have a formal time for formal learning where he can work on his schoolwork too.
Child 4 (Oct)
Into telling knock-knock jokes that make no sense. Walking around singing Taylor Swift songs. Loves to journal with older siblings every night. Very conscientious. Very in love with his mom - and drawn to female superheroes.
Wakes up around 6-ish.
51 months
52 months
Child 1 - girl (Nov/Dec 2011)
Baking. I love baking with her. There is something infectious about enthusiasm. I love that so much.
Chewing gum. Reading books - having us read books aloud with her. Currently: a tattered old hardcover of Cinderella.
Soaks up learning - for example, with baking, repeats back, regularly in her husky little voice, the steps involved in doing something, like setting oven temperature, choosing correct measuring cups, moving step stool into place, etc. Has a little grin on her face when she’s excited and engaged about something that is glorious.
Wants and needs her independence from her younger brother sometimes. For example, when she’s playing with her cousin (her senior by eight months), she doesn’t always want her younger brother involved, such as when they’ve set up a tent in our living room. Her younger brother, at 16 months old, does not always understand this. “Let’s run away from him!” When I call her/them out on this, then the explanation: “it’s a song we made up that’s called ‘let’s run away from him!”
Leaping off great heights, such as our orange slide, and ‘accidentally’ almost jumping on top of her little brother, repeatedly.
Is conscientious about following instructions with many things. Not all things, but many things, such as basic chores, e.g. making her bed. She will casually explain to peers (i.e. her cousin) how to do something correctly, and who she learned it from, such as how to pull the comforter over the side of the bed correctly - “…I know it’s kind of silly, but Uncle Jamey says to do it like this.” 20111109
Pretend. Things like serving food and running a restaurant.
Teasing teasing teasing. And more teasing.
Phrases: That’s not a good idea! Would it be okay if _____?
Working on learning to obey immediately and be gentle with her brother.
Likes to help out, e.g. “Would you like me to brush your hair?”
Big into fort building, especially inside.
Me: “No hitting! Wrestling yes, hitting no!”
Drawing and writing, lots of writing and signing her name. Often in caps, with her Gs backwards.
Teaching the importance of knowing what number to call in an emergency: 911
FIRSTS: helps me put up Christmas lights outside 20111205
When put into decision-making mode between two things she loves - sweet treats and movies, will choose…movies, e.g. Muppet Christmas Carol 20111208
Child 2 - boy (Oct/Nov 2014)
Often - usually, frequently - carries around some combination of stick, sword, and/or cutlery, such as a plastic knife or spoon.
Toys: snakes, Transformers, LEGO
Comes in with me a couple times a week while I teach a couple classes. Sometimes stays with his uncle for the morning, sometimes hangs out in my office, playing, building, drawing while I teach.
His own beat: he has a vision for Halloween - or dressing up any time of the year - that is his and his alone.
Big into hide and seek.
Loves to plot out, plan, and vividly describe scenarios about what he’ll do in given situations, such as various ways he’ll destroy my GoPro when he sees me filming.
Hangs his art on walls. Typically the subject matter are very specific types of snakes or lizards (“Cayman lizards”), or creatures with specific attributes (“this creature has venomous gills”). Also refers to his hanging up his art as decorating.
We continue to remind, although it is infrequent, that is not okay, at all, to put your hands on somebody else in anger. In reviewing a list of actions falling under this category, his 7-year old sister is very…helpful in adding to the list. “And not pinching either.”
Wrestling and chinning.
Will start pulling up her shirt and twisting all around for inexplicable reasons. Particularly in public.
Riding escalators up and down, up and down.
Child 3 - boy
Coming soon
Child 4 - boy
Pretend, singing, dancing…as long as people are paying the appropriate amount of attention, which can mean all of their attention or none of their attention, per his whim du jour. Very, very, very into Duelingo and IXL Math and Reading…and getting prizes and awards on these platforms.
Games - Spot It, memory game. Chasing, tag, hide and seek.
Brushing his hair out of his face.
Loves his mom with all his heart and all his affection.
53 months
Child 1 - girl
Very concerned with injuries. “Is my tongue bleeding? Do I have a sliver? Is my shoulder bleeding?!”
Child 3 - boy
Still huge into his outdoor kitchen and making food.
Loves dancing and dressing up. Will try out different outfits and expressions in front of mirror.
Doing schoolwork on the computer when his older siblings are doing the same - ABCya, PBS Kids
Sounding out words and syllables
Very invested in learning alongside his older siblings
A very strong bond forming with his younger sibling, who is learning to play well :)
An exceedingly generous spirit and ability to share that makes my heart sing
4.5 years
Pro tips (54-59 months)
Get the vaccinations. Ask questions. You don’t need to blindly accept health advice when it comes to your children. So do your research, and for God’s sake and your childrens’: ask good questions, follow the credible evidence, and don’t start dismissing entire swaths of the health profession because fringe doctors and keyboard warrior-bloggers masquerading as scientists and health policy experts say they’re in collusion with Big Pharma, et cetera. Do the research, which also means learning the history and understanding what everyday existence was like for many in the 20th century before vaccines. Take a look at polio. That’s a fun one, and guess what? Good news, there’s a vaccine that works.
Get them in the habit of brushing after eating and/or every meal.
Set a good example and do stuff outside. You gotta eat, right? Eat outside. Gonna read? Take your books outside.
Take them shopping to the grocery store. Have them help. Then have them help make food.
Take them to the library. Lots. Let them choose books. Lots. Then read them.
Ask lots of questions. Encourage them to ask lots of questions. This is called “learning.” Show them how fun and natural it is.
Maybe they have nightmares or night terrors. Perhaps consider having them watch Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood instead of Scream. Perhaps consider gently holding and comforting them when they get scared during the night instead of showing up with a flashlight pointed up at your clown face. Simply a thought. But seriously, they’re going to take the stories they see and hear to bed, and sometimes it will be fun and sometimes maybe it won’t. You can’t protect them from knowing or hearing or seeing everything; and it would be counterproductive to constantly shield them from everything they might be scared of. That being said, when they absorb some of those ‘scary things’ is as important as what it is - and keeping the entertainment content you absorb to lighter fare that is positive and gentle is likely to help more with nighttime issues than things that are more intense, aggressive, and deal with something or someone getting hurt.
Know something I freak out about, especially around these ages? Parking lots and driveways. Around 4 and 5, kids haven’t learned very well how to be tall. But they can be nimble and fast, and they might love playing hide and seek. They’re at this awful sweet spot for not being seen by moving vehicles - especially big vehicles that are backing up, or even if a kid is right in front of the grill. I hate even thinking about these things. But kids die this way. Every year. So when you’re driving around kids - and especially in drive ways and parking lots and backing up - then get in the habit of checking before driving, then drive slow, and work with your own kids at environmental awareness and paying attention to where they are in relation to cars.
Know something else I flip out about? Water and drowning. That’s a big Yes on life jackets. Also a big yes on paying concentrated attention when you’re around any body of water with them.
Health experts seem to be in agreement that ingesting, absorbing, or intaking tobacco in any form isn’t super great for you. Especially if you’re a kid. So if you’re an adult who smokes, make it your responsibility to keep kids clear of tobacco as first-, second-, or third-hand users.
54 months
Child 1 - girl
Current toys she’s into: PlayMobile in combination with wood blocks and Fisher Price. (20120113)
It’s so cute to see how much fun they are having together - dolls, dishes, tea parties, wrestling, reading…20120117
She wanted me to snuggle with her last night.
“I hope it takes a long time for me to warm up so you’ll stay and snuggle with me longer.”
This request did not trouble me terribly. (20120117)
Child 3 - boy
Great joy in leading and mentoring his younger brother, especially on the days we’re at the skate park and library.
55 months
Child 1 - girl
Working on being gentle with her younger 1.5 year old brother
Arguing. Making a case assertively, sometimes respectfully, sometimes less so, to us. We are trying to find the balance of encouraging and supporting her voice and her opinion, with doing so in a manner that is respectful, deferential in the appropriate contexts, and obedient - not mindlessly so, but to follow our family system: first, you obey, then you can respectfully question.
“We are going to be such good pals today.” - addressed to her little brother, who slobber-grins in response
“Mama, can I ask you a question? Sorry, it’s probably a, uhh, right-or-wrong question and I think I know the answer will be No, but I was just wondering if it’s my birthday tomorrow? (No, that birthday is still five months away, 2-14-2012
20120229
Into princesses and coloring (not drawing)
Into paper dolls bigtime
Loves to hold her baby brother’s hand - “they’re soft soft”
Discovers, in a massive surprise to parents everywhere, that she likes “sugary things”
Girls Just Want to Have Fun - both the Cyndi Lauper and the version by…as we call it to her…Starfriender :)
Likes brushing her hair and making it “straight”
Still does an afternoon “Quiet Time” (40 minutes or so - falls asleep 70% of the time)
Loves to be “tickled” (lightly massaged)
Child 3 - boy
Melodramatic reactions to (what seem like) small things. “Since I can’t ____, I’m just going to bed and not going to do anything!”
Falling in his older brother’s footsteps with drawing. Dawn to dusk. And then some. Prolific, prolific use of paper.
Loves Octonauts.
“No kissing at bedtime!” Our ritual. I told him I can’t kiss him goodnight anymore until he’s seven, so it’s a roughhousing, giggly and rambunctious tuck-in nightly while he strictly rejects that mandate.
56 months
Child 2 - boy (March/April 2015)
Also, our precious 4-year old apparently had quite a captive audience drawing phallic symbols on various creatures at Timberline Lodge…20150303
57 months
58 months
Child 2 - boy (April/May 2015)
Concerned about things such as thinking he has a mosquito he accidentally swallowed that’s now in his stomach and probably why he keeps coughing.
Walks around with a container - often old Costco nut container - collecting various flora and fauna. Grasses, bugs, insects, rocks, things of interest. Has a narrative and explanation for each, delivered in a precious and unlike-any-other deadpan drawl.
59 months
Child 1 - girl (Jun-Jul)
Very proud of herself for making - for the FIRST time - peanut butter toast. Has also taken on the responsibility of helping make food for her younger brother (see previous sentence). 20120623
Becoming increasingly resourceful. And…when a word like “resourceful” is used, wants to know the definition of what it means.
Wonderful, wonderful conversationalist.
Child 2 - boy (May-Jun)
Building Transformers and wants to modify them - “how do I put holes in them?”
Games, playing, toys: pretending to be an animal and having his older sister tie leashes around. “Tie me so I don’t run away!”
MarbleWorks.
Wrestling with me.
Tries to invent various contraptions for getting into trees and high places, most of which start with some sort of rope or twine, but not always. They are generally close to one hundred percent unsuccessful in terms of getting him to where he’s trying to go. They are generally close to one hundred percent successful in joyfully utilizing innovative thinking and problem-solving.
Favorite snakes: Spitting cobras and anacondas, but recalls how when he was three, he used to like rattlesnakes.
Child 3 - boy (Nov-Dec)
Child 4 - boy (Jun-Jul)
Bug hunting. Specifically, crickets…although they’re technically grasshoppers. Early morning, midday, evening…out there, hunched over, looking for crickets, or praying mantises, or crickets to feed a praying mantis if he finds one, or flying mothes, or jumping spiders. “Daddy, would you like to come look for crickets with me?” a common refrain.
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