Initiative (all the help we cannot see, and some we can).
4-year old boy painting with acrylics and watercolor and wearing his younger brother's smock
All by themselves
All by themselves, some of them came and joined us in bed during the night. I gave a slight assist to one, as he has chosen to not grow fast enough to allow for a fully-solo ascent and descent of his his crib. But it was a light assist, nothing more.
All by themselves, they deorganized their bedroom. Some might say reorganized, as one of them has a method. The other has a method roughly equivalent to how a hurricane might choose to focus on one region over another. They de-re-organized all by themselves, and I had little to do with it! Amazing.
All by himself, the primary reorganizer (the 18-month old) took time out of his Kondo schedule to help his older brother with mathematics. The assistance he provided, from the vantage point of this 10-year old brother’s lap, is difficult to put into words. But he was fully engaged, helping steer pencils in the right direction and pushing computer keys and doing exercises in his brother’s lap. What can a parent ask for more than good teamwork?
All by himself, one of them came up with the idea to read Where’s Waldo in a way that I have not experienced myself in a few years: naked. I’m sure we can all remember that wonderful feeling of slowly turning the pages of a fascinating book while you’re standing in the living room in front of four windows and lovingly soaking in each page. Naked. Eventually he got dressed all by himself, more or less.
All by himself, one of them took a nap. It was all him. Only thing. I did was hold him, dance with him, and sing The Ants Go Marching One by One a few dozen times. It’s incredible how kids get good at independence, and putting themselves down for naps and such. So all by himself, he put himself down (I mean, I physically and literally laid him down, but he did the actual sleeping himself). Fifteen minutes later, he woke up all by himself, fully refreshed and ready to attack the day. Alone, of course.
All by himself, one of them did a giant puzzle solo. This was helpful to Becca, as it allowed her some time to herself, aside from a few dozen points where he needed minor confirmation on where 98 of the pieces should go.
All by themselves, they came running up asking to paint. I am sucker for certain things, and when a child, no matter how foul-smiling or smelling asks to paint, draw, dance, read, or make music, then I have difficulty saying no. So I didn’t, and all by themselves, they painted independently, after I set up the watercolors, acrylics, smocks, paper, canvasses, water jars, and brushes. They painted some beautiful pieces on the paper, and on themselves, all by themselves.
One of the big important concepts to me is the idea of Initiative, and it is heartening to see that put into action at early ages, particularly when it comes in the form of a four-year and one-year old taking initiative to help their older sister de-re-organize her bedroom, although she didn’t ask them to do so. Taking initiative is a very advanced practice and after they had been in her room a very short while, it was evident that they had been in her room, and it is not outside the realm of reason to imagine that one might even think they had spent more time in there than they did, if one were to assess the Before and After states. They are boys who take initiative, and they did it all by themselves.
If you play hard, you gotta work hard, and that is why I expect them to help with supper, and not to brag too much, but they do help. They help a whole bunch, all by themselves, and their presence in the kitchen is not a small one, even though we have a small kitchen. In fact, one might even call their presence a not-insignificant one, as they engage in a variety of activities, the most prolific of which is washing things at the sink, including dirty dishes, clean dishes, food, compost, and sometimes shoes. Again, the whole initiative thing.
Honestly, I would prefer for shoes to be washed somewhere else. But hey, what can I say? You gotta start somewhere. I’m thinking tomorrow if I leave the chainsaw and weed wacker out, it’ll be interesting to see what they could get done.
Eventually, all good days come to an end, so…with a little help from me:
So buddy,
I say, not unkindly,
it’s late, and we let you stay up to play UNO, and just to remind you, you did not win.
Well sometimes I win.
he said in the dark.
But usually I win,
I say, defying historical reality.
Point is, I’m not gonna lay by you tonight because it’s late. But I am gonna tell you something.
What?
he said, in his four year old tone that says he has preemptively decision-treed out every possible proclamation I might make.
I wanted to tell you,
I say,
that I love you a trillion times a trillion, plus a giant ocean, plus a big river, multipled by a zillion.
Long pause. But I can hear his awakeness.
Oh.
he said quietly.
More pause. I wait for the response that will make my heart glow and wrap a good ribbon on the day and maybe possibly even make me reconsider staying another minute to snuggle the young lad.
Daddy,
he said quietly, emphatically,
will you leave now? I need to go to sleep.
Umm, okay….
I say, sliding myself out slowly. Well, I had a good day with you and I sure love you.
Daddy!
he hissed gently.
Will you please leave now?
I leave, and I’ll probably sneak back there later. He’s not gonna win this round.
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