Manners (nosepicking, fork-clinking, and discrete signaling while eating).

I suggested a family meeting, after supper outside, about table manners. This suggestion was accepted by one hundred percent of my family, possibly because my suggestion was accompanied by an addendum for mandatory attendance.

Drawing by Ej of family eating supper outside — Drawing by E.V. Long, age 6 “People eating supper outside”

I’d like to think that everyone attended out of inherent recognition that I would be presenting an important topic. Because I was!

I have a strong belief in this little mantra:

Thoughts become words. Words become actions. Actions become patterns. Patterns become habits.

With that in mind, the topic I was presenting had to do with table manners and etiquette; the idea being that what we practice and embed at home will also be what we carry out into other places - the homes of others, restaurants, etc.

My invitation to join this conversation was not met with the level of exultation I had hoped for, but I hoped to turn the corner by suggesting that we use me as a guinea hog, and have everybody point out something I could do improve on while eating.

A 12-year old masterfully tried to evade this opportunity by proclaiming that: “You do everything perfect. Can I please be excused now?”

I did not want him to miss out on this wonderful opportunity to heckle me privately, in public in front of our whole family, so I declined his request. Finally, the ball started rolling.

Becca suggested I could work on not clinking my teeth with utensils - like a fork - when I’m moving food into my mouth. It’s bad for the enamel, she explained. I know that she likes me, so I took this suggestion to a section of my heart and thanked her.

My daughter suggested I keep a napkin handy for keeping food out of my beard. Was it my daughter? Now I’m thinking perhaps it was my wife. Regardless of who initiated this observation, it was heartily supported by other members present. I thanked them, and reminded them that I was grateful to learn this from them, rather than others.

My oldest son suggested I not answer the phone while we’re eating. I started to get defensive about this, as I don’t feel this is a common occurrence, but I caught myself and vowed to be mindful about picking up calls during meals.

I used the strong levels of interest to talk about a couple of my favorite General Etiquette topics: eye contact and using people’s names.

I started picking my nose and gave our younger ones the opportunity to get my attention by

1) first using my name to quietly get my attention, and
2) then using a discrete gesture to signal something - in this case, stop picking your nose Daddy!

We went through other ways and gestures to signal discretely. There’s something on your face. Stop doing what you’re doing immediately. Change topics. Lower your voice. Et cetera.

The power of 1) using a person’s name and 2) eye contact can not be overstated. I am convicted, strongly, of the importance of these two things, both a la carte and together.