A short conversation about natural disasters, Dostoevsky, and a robber named Sophie.

"Is hot lava hot?"
our son asked.

"Uh, yeah. Hot lava is hot,"
I answered correctly.

"Actually, it's not. Hot lava is cold. Have you ever been in hot lava, Daddy?"

"No, I have not...at least not that I recall. Have you?"

"Yeah. One time when I was a little kid."

"Really? What was the situation?"

"Well, I was on a train and hot lava came onto the train and a robber was trying to get me."

"That is terrifying, IF it really happened, which I'm skeptical about. So what happened next?"

"I got the hot lava out with my sword."

"Sweet move! I wouldn't have thought of that. What kind of sword A broadsword?"

"A scimitar. Other kinds of swords aren't good for getting hot lava out of trains."

"Really? Why not?"

"Because scimitars are made out of wood and cutlasses and broadswords are made out of metal and wood is good for getting hot lava out of trains."

"Really? I don't get it: wouldn't wood burn?"

"No. Scimitars are made out of wood and they don't burn."

"Okay...agree to disagree. So what happened to the robber?"

"I made a trap out of the hot lava and captured him."

"Was the hot lava hot?"

"No, I told you that hot lava is cold! We are playing the Opposites Game."

"Okay. So what was the robber's name?"

"Sophie."

"Her name was Sophie?"

"No. It's a boy. His name was Sophie. He's bad."

"Okay. So where is he now?"

"He's still in the trap because he's bad."

"Alright. Is he ever going to get out?"

"No. He's bad."

"I'm not sure I agree with that. It seems like life imprisonment is an extraordinarily stiff penalty for robbery. Pretty sure Victor Hugo would agree with me."

"Well he's bad."

"Are you at least giving him something to eat?"

"Yeah. He eats chicken."

"Okay. Well I'm glad I'm vegetarian, and not a robber. And thank goodness for you and your multi-purpose scimitar."

"Yeah."