In which I am brutally reminded of my non-resemblance to Tom Hardy.

The debate raged as I stepped into the room.

Marco Rubio.
she nodded emphatically.
Definitely Marco Rubio.

What?!
he swished his hair around.
No way! Daddy reminds me a LOT more of Ted Cruz! His hair is exactly like Ted Cruz's hair!

Huh?
I said, jumping in, although they had been addressing their remarks about me, as opposed to TO me.
I look nothing like either of them!

They both turned to stare me down.

Daddy,
she said.
It's just a fact that you look a lot like Marco Rubio.

Yeah!
he cackled.
And plus you also look exactly like Ted Cruz!

False.
I said, brushing my hair back flippantly like JFK probably did when he was young like me.
And who do you think you would vote for at this point if you could vote?

Bernie Sanders.
she said.

Yeah.
he said.
Bennie Sandrews.

Okay.
I said.
Any particular reason?

Well,
he said, speaking as the spokesperson for both.
Because he's the oldest, and he doesn't act all mean when he talks, and sometimes he says things that are good.

What kind of good things?
I prompted.

He flounced his hair.
I don't super know because I don't really understand what he's saying. But I think that he says some things that are good.

They both peered at me intently.

Marco Rubio.
she said, nodding.

Teddy Cruz.
he said, nodding.

I went to look in the mirror and cry, and they ran off laughing to look at the latest Iowa pre-caucus poll, or look up pictures of Ross Perot. Or something. I don't know.

I give up on everything now.