Five emergency room stats you need to know, plus three brothers.

NEWTON & O'CONNOR.

Everything that rises must converge,
and fall back to earth because of gravity.

Unless it doesn't,
in which case the intransigent laws of motion are being defied,

which is way cool,
like falling snow reversing itself.

First of all, I'm fine.

Or at least alive. I am also at the ER, where I have met some great people and gleaned some valuable stuff about good times to get hurt, and not.

Don't get injured on Monday.

Or Saturday. Especially not Saturday. Saturday makes sense, with all the weekend activities and recreational daring-do, but Monday seems to be a puzzling one to everyone I've spoken to. Why Mondays?

MVA = motor vehicle accident.

I'm always up for learning new acronyms.

Finger lac (hard c) = finger laceration.

The big Thanksgiving injury around here is...finger lacs. Because of...
...those powered turkey carving knives.

"We hate 'em." she said. "Don't use 'em."

Okay.
I said.
I'm vegetarian.

Oh!
she said.
Do you do tofurkey?

Then we had a great conversation about salads and a million ways to do 'em.

Tip: turn them into rice bowls and don't be afraid to add chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream.

The average wait time in U.S. Hospitals in the ER is 3 1/2 to four hours.

So,
she said.
If you get seen in less than two hours, consider yourself fortunate!

Yep.
I said.
And I will try to not schedule a visit for a Monday or Saturday.

Currently there are:

- three two-person conversations happening

- one and a half people watching an episode of CSI: Miami.

- nine people doing stuff on their phones

- one person damaging their spine doing something on an iPad while standing up.

- one child playing in the kids area.

- one guy pacing around looking at people with a semi-intense look, but maybe he's just anxious for Thanksgiving so he can start cutting up those poor turkeys.

Don't use a power knife,
I whisper quietly.
Don't do it.

And somewhere in here, someone is possibly writing about me -