‘Argue well.’

There’s an archetype of the father who leads his flock, and that flock hangs on his every word and soaks up his wisdom and accepts his knowledge as canon. That’s an archetype. And maybe that’s a reality in some universes or families.

Ex cathedra : with the full authority of office
I love this phrase, I love the way the syllables roll and end and convey power.
It’s terse. It conveys unfailing and infallible authority.
This is not a seat of power I am familiar with on a personal level.

In our family, we argue.

And I’m not only okay with that, I encourage it. But you have to argue well.

That’s why language is so important: you have to use the right words to describe the right situation.

I’m not okay with squabbling.
I’m not okay with bickering.
I’m not okay with quarreling.

I am okay with arguing.

My rules of engagement when arguing.

Listen to the other person.
Let them finish their sentences.
No fallacious logic, within the context of the participants’ age and development. In particular, this means no ad hominem attacks and no reliance on ad hoc reasoning (respectively: no name-calling, no coming up with no new reasons for your positions).
Be kind.
Understand the others’ argument or position. Stand firm where you can defend your position, and be nimble and prepared to respect, accept, defer, and even modify your position if your opponent’s position, or a part of their position is stronger.
Develop the wisdom to know when to stand firm on something and when to defer or change your mind.
Have the mental strength and fortitude to hold your position and not give in because the other is using unacceptable ways to influence or coerce you (e.g. bullying, blackmail, physical intimidation).
Try to smile, to congratulate, and to defer where there is opportunity to genuinely do so.
Relationships are important. The pursuit of truth is important. I have no advice in figuring out how to balance these things sometimes when the pursuit of truth in a situation leads you into collision with relationships you care about.
Read lots, be prepared, and never assume that you have all the available important information about something. You probably don’t.
Arguments must have at least the possibility or potential for resolution. That doesn’t mean they’ll be completed or end in a satisfactory manner for everyone involved. But separates, to me, arguing from quarreling, bickering, or squabbling is that there’s a measure of humanity, opportunity for mutual learning, logic, shared baseline for facts, and two-way respect, and acknowledgment that two parties have chosen to engage in a disagreement with particular rules and a hope for resolution.
Those are some of my thoughts on arguing. 😀

Other happenings and conversations
Advice from age 5 to age 2
Look at people in the eyes and use their names,
he reminded his younger brother as we walked into the building.
An argument…or a squabble? (the 11 and 5 and version)
Much of our long drive was spent with a back seat brawl involving the idea of microbugs. Yes, microbugs, as in bugs that are microscopic.
You can see them! insisted one. I have seen them!
You cannot see them! insisted the elder. You have to have a microscope!

There were reasons given and evidence provided and no consensus in the end. Voices were raised and emotions ran hot, but in the end there was also some giggles and involuntary laughter. So I don’t know what it was. It will likely exist only here, in these words right now, as any sort of cosmic evidence that it ever took place. Could aliens on a far-off planet hear us with their super-good ears…or would they need super high-tech listening aids to eavesdrop? That would be a good topic to argue over.

The guy who walked around a long time ago and talked (not Jesus*)

We spoke of the importance, within an argument, of defining terms and ensuring that you’re on the same page with what words are being used and what they mean. And of having the confidence and wisdom to challenge others to define the terms they’re using if it’s not clear.

*Socrates

A rope, a hop, a skip

I watched my boys pick up some jump ropes that were lying around, and was reminded quickly of how time itself is a zero-sum game.

For example, if you spend one hour looking for bullfrogs instead of jump roping, you’ll probably be better at finding bullfrogs than jump roping.

Or if you spend one hour drawing instead of jump roping, you’ll probably be better at drawing than jump roping.

Or if you spend an hour reading and talking about Socrates (see above), you’ll probably be better at understanding the roots of Western philosophy than you will be at jump roping.

I started thinking that maybe we’ll have to start doing some more jump roping, and I walked over to show them how it works.

People we said hi to

We said hi to Tracy at the library, who we had not seen in a year or two.
We said hi to Kerry on the playground, who we had seen frequently, but had not exchanged names with before.
We said hi to Susan and Matt, who stand outside the school and greet parents and students as we walk in, and we see them regularly, and it is wonderful to be greeted regularly.