'Make a list (when you don't know where to start).'
Stories or tasks are often divided into a Beginning, a Middle, and an End. Most people are competent, or even skilled, in one of these areas in particular. You need a vision and self-confidence to start, you need commitment and discipline to slog through the middle, and and you need resilience and determination to finish.
Of course that’s a simplification, and of course there’s not exact parallels between writing, per se, and other types of projects. But I think there’s some common denominators, and a big one has to do with how prohibitively difficult it can be to get started on something. Judging by the title of this post, it’s not likely a big surprise what this is about…but maybe it’s a little different take on an old thing.
There are people who love lists, and people who hate lists. I am in the former category, but I’d like to think I use them a jump-start more than a formal set of protocols to be followed through in detail.
I think a lot about legacy and about what we leave behind; as Lin-Manuel Miranda said well in Hamilton:
What is a legacy? It's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”
I love that. I’m a big proponent of journaling - of free-form journaling; simply getting something down that is different than a diary (those are great too); something that crops and culls some memorable bits from a specific period of time and records it for history. A history that might seem little to you now, but is an investment in the future. Sounds melodramatic, but it’s true. It’s being brave enough to make a mark - literally, some marks - that provide a remembering-point cemented in time. But: where do you get started?
With a list.
I know there’s a ton of prompts to kickstart ideas, and plenty of them are great. But I think the simplest way to start journaling is simply with haiku or with a list. This is about the latter:
Don’t try to include everything about a day. Just like a photographer, you are choosing what to crop; what to keep in and what to keep out. So just grab the first thing you did that was an extreme. What’s an extreme?
An extreme, in this context, is something either:
Really normal
Really different
That means you’re in a win-win scenario. If your day started the exact same way you usually start it, then easy enough: just write it down in a disjointed sentence or two. If you’re so inclined, include a thought about it. It’s amazing how easy it can be to give context to a simple fact with just a sentence or two…and how easy it can be to snowball a tiny thing into something bigger just by starting with a tiny reality. “Toast for breakfast. Out of butter. Coconut oil. What I wouldn’t give for a waffle.” Let your tone come out of the reality.
If you did something super-different for breakfast, then that’s even easier. “Waffles, finally. So much better than toast. But no whipped cream. Need to get peanut butter. Not that Skippy’s junk. Ick.” Let your personality come out.
Forget grammar and syntax and complete sentences.
If you’re a parent, you can sit down with your pre-reading/writing child and help them do a page:
Ask a few questions: What’s something you enjoyed eating today? Playing? Reading? Who did you see? Write them down, and
…let them draw pictures around and over your writing. You will not regret it.
Go to the next item.
I have many, many thoughts on the role of journaling in our personal histories and growth as people and parents. The downside to regular journaling is…I don’t know what downside there is.
No downside.
Again, if you’re a parent, then it’s a future gift you can provide to your children - which is why thinking of it in terms of lists and journals is valuable, to separate it from the idea of private thoughts and diaries. If you consider that it probably will be read in some form, by someone, in the future, it’s freeing in the sense of forcing you to think a tiny bit about what you’d like to convey about your mindset and way you approach life - and to keep your criticisms and judgments of a sort that isn’t overly personal or potentially embarrassing or relationship-damaging.
We all get stuck. Most of us end up not doing things because we don’t know where to start. So here’s my list of 11 things to journal about today. I’m doing it as a list, because I lack the drive or creative vision right now to tie together in narrative cohesion. Perhaps it’s helpful…and I think journaling does, amidst many wonderful things, something magical and magnificent…
…it forces you to look at what makes this day special and different. Even when it doesn’t feel that way in the moment. By writing it down, even as a list, you endow and entrust it to the guardians of history; you become, simply by virtue of writing it down, a chronicler, an historian, an observer, an active agent in taking a tiny slice of humanity’s existence…
…and preserving it in words.
So thank you ahead of time.
The Day in Eleven Snippets
1 : Parking lot find
The Olders walked into school. It took me extra minutes to get the Youngers outta the car, but we walked in shortly after that. The five-year old found an earring in the parking lot. There was a brief discussion over the ethics of keeping things you find. I’m bigger, so I won. Sad reality. We walked into the school and we talked with D—— who always expresses excitement to see us, and she accepted the lost piece of jewelry. If it’s unclaimed at the end of the year, a boy’s name is on it to claim as his own salvaged property.
2 : Ages 5 and 2
Walking in and out provided some extra opportunity to practice independent crosswalk crossing. I’ve been making them do it together. Holding hands.
3 : Skate Park
They rode dangerously at the skate park. It was slippery and wet and foggy. I make them walk slowly around the big 13-foot drops. They are displeased, but I hold firm. They run away. I chase them down. Because I’m bigger. And faster.
4 : More skate park
They dismount from their two-wheelers to look for money. There might be coins that slipped from my pocket. They hunt vigorously and come up with some pennies, nickels, a few dimes, maybe a quarter. I sneak in some convo about coinage and denominations and they don’t even realise I’m sneakily teaching them something. Because I’m smart.
5 : You don’t bring me
Back to the school. There’s a flower sale. Even better than $28 dollar baskets of flowers? Well, for a 5-year old boy who loves flowers, finding errant blossoms that have fallen along the sidewalk is even better. Our journey from parking lot to sidewalk to school is very slow. Because there are lots of flowers to rescue and salvage from the sidewalk. I order them to not pick flowers from the $28 baskets. They are very pretty. But even prettier to me is watching two boys happily pick up blossoms lovingly from the sidewalk, and then carry them into the school to share with some of their friends at the front. One of their good friends recently turned 50. She is very personable and always makes time for them and has purple hair. They gave her a couple semi-crushed blossoms.
6 : Lunch
We joined with their Older bro, and waved to their Older sis as she flounced by with a couple friends. She smiled and they waved frantically. We settled into our usual spot facing the playground, on the sidewalk mostly outside the path of screaming students and errant balls. Becca had made lafsa burritos with tofurkey, lettuce, pickles, and vegenaise. And apple slices. They are giant and good. We ate them and conversed with two friends, ages 10 and 11, about their weekend. One had a good weekend because his dad got a bulldozer, but he also lost his new pet snake. Inside his house. The other had a good weekend at her grandparents, and watched a couple movies with her mom. While You Were Sleeping and Only You. She asked if I knew who Robert Downey Jr is. I said yes. The five-year old swung on swings with these friends, and was giggling so hysterically at one point he had trouble breathing. Also, he fell off. But the laughing helped. Also, his older brother invented a game where he threw a basketball at him while he was swinging. There was kicking and falling off and laughing. To recap: there are two 11-year olds, a 10-year old, and a 5-year old, and they had a great time inventing a new game on the swings.
07 : Nap
They fell asleep in the car. I parked. And read a story out of the Haruki Murakami book I’m still reading. Kino.
08 : Wake
They awakened. We sloshed in mud through the forest and evaded minotaurs. They were after us. But we threw pinecones and practiced standing very still like we were rocks. That was the 5-year old’s idea. He got it from The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. There are still a lot of conversations and lines quoted from that. We successfully got away.
09 : Library
Previous to this, we had gone to the library. The 2-year old carried in a recycled grocery bag that carried his beloved blue dress, green sweatshirt, and 2-sizes too big clogs. We saw one of our favorite library people, K——-. She asked to see the clogs. So he modeled and strutted in them. She told us about breaking her foot years ago when she tried clicking her heels together while wearing clogs. She saw Darryl Hannah do it in a movie. Then we talked about foot injuries. It would probably have been a dull conversation for anyone else listening. She is going to Scotland this summer. Also, we saw a dad there who was doing a supervised visitation with his 6- or 7-year old son. A woman was there supervising. On her phone. The dad wasn’t quite sure what to do. He tried reading an Avengers book. It made me sad, the situation. But happy that he was trying. Sometimes you just try. And keep trying. If you’re doing things like parenting or swimming away from a shark, then that’s all you can do. Keep trying.
10 : more school
I spoke with Mrs P——- about Hamilton the musical and Hamilton the mountain in the Columbia Gorge. She hasn’t seen it. “My daughter loves it” she said. “But I haven’t learned to appreciate hip hop yet.” I expressed my respect for her including “yet.” It’s not easy to keep your mind open sometimes. I respect people who try. Sometimes that’s all you can do, like when you’re teaching and hiding from minotaurs. Try. Keep trying.
11 : Miscellaneous
There was stuff at home later, like me speed-baking cookies. It’s amazing how fast I can bake when I don’t have help. We read books and talked. And watched an episode of The Middle together. And later an episode of Person of Interest. Sometimes shared television together is truly a beautiful thing. At some point I will go to bed.
——
Theres a list. See…I’m not even correcting the missing apostrophe in the first word here. Sometimes that’s all you can do: try to not care and just let things go. Like misspellings and grammatical errors that hurt to look at. But you try. You keep trying.
more Skate Park School posts below
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more Skate Park School posts below 〰️
