'If you want to lead, let others lead.'

Say ‘excuse me please,’ please, I said as he scooted around me on the trail.

Excuse me,
he muttered cheerily as he sloshed past, with a backwards glance to ensure he was ahead of not only me, but his younger brother.

Which way are we going? I asked as we came to a fork; “a fork” being a generous term, as the first option was a trail that was actually a trail, and the second was a trail that was pretty much underbrush, over brush, and fallen limbs. Guess which he chose?

Shortly thereafter, after a ferocious argument in the wild, I ducked and swerved and silently swore profanities out loud as branches snapped against my face and dirt streaks slashed across my clothes. Yes, my five-year old took the classic Robert Frost poem to heart and chose a path less traveled. The messy dirty obstructed one. With me and his 2-year old bro playing catch up. In the rain. In the mud. In the misery.

I smiled. Because he was smiling. I knew he was miserable too, in the sense that our clothes were soaked, it was cold and foggy, and we were all getting hungry.

But he was leading.

If you want to learn to lead, learn to follow.

I am a good leader sometimes, and a good follower sometimes, and sometimes I’m that frustrating contrarian who suggests options to the leader that hold everything up. I try not to be that one too much.

There is so much emphasis placed on leadership traits and the importance of being a great leader that we easily forget that leaders need followers. Good followers. Good followers need a good leader, and a good leader needs good followers, and each can help the other achieve a higher level of competence in those areas, and…

…I believe the idea of leadership usually a relative designation rather than an absolute.

In other words, I’m an effective leader in some situations, in some environments, with some dynamics and certain goals and types of people,

and I’m an effective follower in other situations, in certain types of environments and dynamics and mix of peoples.

(and sometimes, of course, I’m effective at neither)

We have to learn both. Kids have to learn the importance and value and connection between the two. Leading and following. They need to be involved with both.

Active leading, active following.

They need the reins.
They need to rise.
They need the chance to lead and show their decision-making capabilities in the context of groups.

That’s why I followed a five-year old through the forest on a miserable day and followed his directives.
That’s why we laughed and roared hilariously together at things that weren’t funny. Yet they were.

Because he liked leading.
And I liked following.

I’m thirsty!
he said.

Stick your head up toward the clouds,
I ordered,
and drink some rain!

Whaaaat?!
he thundered.
Noooo!

Why not?
I asked.
It’s water.

It’s rainwater!
he said.
It’s not healthy to drink!

This led to a discussion of whether or not it is safe to drink rainwater falling out of the sky. My personal feeling is that it’s a risk I’m comfortable taking. My feeling, however, was not solid enough to convince him. Where did the strength of his conviction on this matter come from?

His older brother.

His 11-year old leader and expert on many things.
I argued my point valiantly, but he would not budge. He considers his older bro an expert on all things Nature and Outdoor and Animal and Natural Disaster-related, so my status as their father did little to sway his conviction that his brother was right and I was wrong.

I swallowed my pride, along with some rainwater from the sky, and we headed back toward the trailhead and our car, which held a lunch.

He was partway through his sandwich when he noticed I didn’t have one and inquired why. I told him there wasn’t really a good reason; I just hadn’t had time, or taken time, to make one for me as well as four children (or more likely: Becca had made all sandwiches early in the morning, asked me if I wanted one, and I probably said no. But now, they looked very tasty).

He looked at his partially-eaten sandwich, then up at me.
Would you like me to share half of my sandwich with you, Daddy?
he asked.

I smiled.
I would love a couple bites,
I said.

So we shared some of his sandwich.

Good leaders share what they have.
Good followers share what they’re able.

And sometimes we play musical chairs with who’s who.

Lead on.